Episode 3 (04/17/2005)
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To understand me you need to go back twenty years. Back to the day the nightmare began. In that shopping mall, The Varmit was born. |
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I still remember my father's words. "Now son," he said, his kind voice still fresh in my memory, "your mommy and I are going to go and buy you an extra special present!"
I was giddy with excitement. A present? For me? But then I wondered. "You and mommy aren't going to buy me another box of razor blades are you? Or any more of that funny tasting stuff with the skull and crossbones on it?" "Now, son!" Daddy said, sternly. "It's your own fault you cut yourself when you were playing with those razors. And do we really need to talk about how you behaved like a little sissy when we gave you the Magic Pirate Juice?" I said no and father told me to wait right where I was while he and mommy went and got my present. As they walked away I heard mom tell my father that they had thirty minutes to get to their plane, but I didn't make anything of it. |
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I waited for hours for them to come back. I spent the time thinking about the present they were getting and wondering if it was going to be as cool as the car battery and jumper cables they bought me for Christmas. As it got near closing time, though, I began to wonder what was keeping them. |
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Two men with funny blue hats and uniforms came up to me then and started asking me questions. My parents had taught me well. "Never talk to strangers, unless they have candy or they want to give you a ride somewhere." Seeing no candy, I kept my mouth shut.
"Hey kid, what are you doing here? The Mall's closed." One of them said. "Ah hell, Ernie. I think someone dumped this kid here." The other one offered. "Dammit! That's the third one this week. I don't have time for this paperwork again." "Fuck it. Leave him. I'm sure maintenance will find him so let them deal with it.. I've got a date with that chick Mona from the Sports Booth and Ronnie told me she'll put out for anyone." |
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"Okay. Kid?" The first one, Ernie, leaned in really close. "Listen up. Max and I are going to split. When you see someone pushing a mop or picking up trash, talk to 'em and tell them who you are. In the meantime, stay where you are and don't touch anything. Got it?"
I kept quiet. "Ernie, I think the kid might be some kind of retard." "Yeah, but fuck it. He's not our problem now." |
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I waited in the mall for hours. Eventually, a janitor found me and gave me some candy. I told him what had happened, how I couldn't find my parents, and he took pity on me.
"Don't fret none, little boy." He said, his eyes big and kind. "I'm sure we can find your parents. In the meantime, I'll bring you home and let you sleep in the cellar." |
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